No puppy dogs were harmed in the making of this face.

I'm not sad because Chris Miller already has a hundred bucks in donations; that makes me happy.

I'm not sad because my beardless face is already lost in an ocean of the recently-debearded; I'm thrilled that we've got so many fine, upstanding (and let's not forget manly) men bringing their chins to our annual fundraiser. More chins means more money, right?

I'm not sad because Jeffrey got more points in Jeff's arbitrary ranking system than I did because of name bias; I'm practically ecstatic that Jeff has found a nom compagnon.

Why am I sad?

If you really loved me you wouldn't have to ask.