GOONGALA!

So I will post my Halloween costume instead. Which hid my scruff quite effectively. This will be the first time I have either shaved completely or have grown anything more than a week's scraggle since last year's competition.

It's on! GOONGALA!

"Slander is spoken. In print, it's libel."

Apparently only one guy in the history of ever has worn a sweater-vest. While making the trick-or-treating rounds with my son (who was cleverly disguised as Spider-Man) this evening, three people looked at me and saw not the editor-in-chief of the Daily Bugle, but a former Ohio State football coach.

"Hey, Jim Tressel," they all exclaimed.

Not, "Spider-Man is a hero, you pompous jerk!"

"Hey, Jim Tressel!"

I just don't understand people.

The mustache comes off in about two hours.

The sweater-vest stays on, perhaps until December.

Pre-beard Photograph

So I grow facial hair like a school girl. This is not going to be pretty.

Of course, my beard WILL have magical powers, so there's that.

You may not know me, but you will fear my beard.

In 3D!

Seeing as I will amungst the midnight crew this evening, I figure to do a bit of a pre-shavening post. And since,I saw no reason not to shave my chin for halloween on Saturday. I figured to show you my costume. The picture shows me today (not Saturday)in costume.

If you couldn't guess who I was before now..I'm Weird Al Yankovic. If you don't know who he is, you are either too young, too old, or have different taste than I. Which is just fine. See you in a few hours!

This is what a MAN looks like the day before HoNoToGroABeMo starts...just saying.

That's right, I'm calling you out. Well, not Kris Johnson. TOMORROW is the day of the clean shaven-ness. Not today. So either you're in early training (sort of lame) or you are a lame cheater getting an extra 24 hours of growth in. Or worse yet, you're a normally clean shaven person...ewwwww.

For the record, this year I will post every day...like a man.

I will grow the neck beard...like a man.

I will start with a clean shave on November 1st...LIKE A MAN.

I will have a scraggly beard that looks horrible...like a mannish thing.

I will not raise the most money...like an unpopular teacher in the state that is something like 47th in teacher pay and thus knows lots of people, none of which can afford to give (we can't all be doctors, Cmarrrrrr!!!!).

And lastly, I will be a man...like a MOTHER LOVING MAN!

I have several things planned for my daily posting this year, you should all be aquiver in anticipation. There's geekitude to discuss. There's the qualities of manhood. There's my various projects to pimp. And of course there's major events in my life to discuss ranging from a new child (currently SCREAMING while I hold/type) and what the heck happened to my hair since last year!

Wait for it...

"Hey, that guy still has a beard!"

Yeah, I do. Because I'm not doing a full shave until 11:59pm. There will be no 24-hour head start for me; I will start November freshly-shaven, the scent of eucalyptus oil (don't get any ideas; it's a manly scent) still lingering as I set my Mach 3 aside and gaze upon my newly-ensmoothened chin in the mirror.

Then, and only then, with the growing begin. I can already feel my follicles flexing.

October 31. My normal clean-shaven face, and the tuxedo I always wear to the office.

It's on.

I have only ever had facial hair once or twice before, back in my twenties. For those of you who didn't know me back then, it was not particularly pretty. My sad little goatee hasn't been seen in about a decade, and I haven't really missed it. I never have attempted to grow anything beyond the lip and chin area, so I can't begin to guess what the rest of my facial follicles might have planned.

We'll see...

To those of you who do know me and wonder why I'm attempting such foolishness, it's all in the name of science and health! My very good friend Bob, whose mother Ann passed away a few years back due to breast cancer, created the Beards4Boobs project to raise money for the Breast Cancer Research Foundation. A growing number of friends of his have been joining in the annual project, eschewing the razor (with the exception of general grooming so no one ends up on a terrorist watch list) for the month of November, and asking for people to sponsor their beards with donations. It's kind of like 'Race For The Cure', but for lazy men.

Last year the Beards4Boobs project raised nearly $4k for breast cancer research, and since "all the kids are doing it", I decided to help out this time, despite the knowledge that I'm likely to look pretty silly for a few weeks. Fortunately, I'm already married.

I hope you'll click here and donate any amount large or small to the cause in my name. My beard is bound to be creepy and/or pathetic, so please make all the embarrassment worthwhile!

Power Up!

After my domination of the last HoNo Kombat tournament of beards 2010 I have been summoned back from the depths of Hell to do battle once again. Few are able to withstand my ancient beardly powers, David Moore being my only worthy foe. Too bad he is now dead, muahahahaha! Be afraid newcomers, be very afraid.

Pre Halloweeen party me in my usual beardyness.

If it was "On" last year..This year it is "SO on!"

Day 1

...Brian created a face. Now the face was formless and empty, smoothness was over the deep and the spirit of Brian was hovering over the pores. And Brian said, "Let there be a beard!"

To quote William T. Riker, "Smooth as an android's bottom."

My wife hates it. I tell her this is all for the boobies. She tells me that if I want to see hers again, the beard must return.

So. Are we ready to begin?

Cmaaarrr got me into this mess. Now you shall all quake in terror at what a beard such as mine can do to your soul.

Listen up, all y'all:

1. I'm in.

2. It's on.

3. You have been warned.

Let's do this.

I'm in.

Let's get in on!

I've been in training for this all year. My students are pumped about it. I've started mentioning it on my podcast already. This year is going to be my year...I'm totally going to win this thing (again) this year...and this time now for the worst grown beard or the bestest blogging.

I'm not entirely sure what I will win for (my beard pretty well sucks)...maybe most improved...I've been practicing that hard, I tell you.

Oh, and I am, of course, in.

Well, er, yes, I guess this thing is on.

Hello, again, everybody and welcome to another exciting season of How Not To Grow A Beard Month.

First, let me catch you up on a few of the developments since last year.

1. Tax-deductibility: I did do some research, but was displeased with the answers. Basically, the cost and time requirements to get us all legalified for official 501(c)(3) tax-deductible status are disproportionate to the amount of money we actually raise. So, for now as I understand it, donations will not be legally deductible. I'm looking at an alternative; stay tuned.

2. The T-Shirt: Visit http://beards4boobs.spreadshirt.com/. Buy a T-Shirt, spread the word, and add $4.10 to the cause.

3. RSS: Links where appropriate will be forthcoming, but if you want to cook your own URL, use the following components: http://honotogroabemo.org/rss[/userID][/followgroup][/comments]/hono.rss
Let me break it down:

• userID: is relatively self-explanatory. If you include it, it will return a list of posts for the user in question. Unless...
• followgroup: the RSS will include posts for anyone in the follow group of the userID provided. (No, you can't yet see/administer your follow group. I'm working on it.)
• comments: Include this token if you want in your feed comments on the posts that are in your feed.

Now, on to 2011. The goal again this year is $5,000. I know this has been a difficult year for many, but we can do this thing. Peddle your beards, gentlemen. Peddle 'em hard.

More to come as we ramp up. How Not To Grow A Beard Month officially begins 12:00 EDT, Tuesday, November 1, 2011. You have been warned.

Positive, Ghost Rider. The pattern has plenty of room.

Sound off like you've got a...beard!

Mr. Miller has chimed in; he's ready to de-beard and re-beard.

My hat is, as ever, in the ring as well. Where are the rest of our beards?

I am in for this year. You have been warned.